It will be TOMORROW.

I swear to god, guys, I might drop to my knees with my mouth open at the airport.

Anyway.

Submission is, in itself, special to me because it makes me feel right at home with myself. Everything is still and zen and right in the world and sometimes it gets overwhelmingly happy when you’re in THAT zone, you know?

But what really makes it extra-fucking-special is that, over time, submission became a way for me to express my love and devotion to my Daddy and his Dominance came to mean the same thing for me. It’s as simple as that, really. :)

It is SO necessary. I find that I get a bit antsy whenever I go too long without any dose of pain or humiliation or anything like that. I’m submissive, first and foremost, but I am also a bit of a masochist. Receiving and enjoying pain only enhances the submissive side of me.

UNF. 

Two days.

He’s literally almost HERE.

I just can’t wait! :D

There was a moment once when Daddy pulled my hair in the middle of what I thought was a completely non-BDSM related fight and I pretty much got upset and stormed off into the bowels of Wal-Mart without him. xD Well, alright, that actually counts as a time when my submissiveness DIDN’T get the better of me. It did make me realize how important context was to everything that we do, however.

As I’ve said before, I get a tad bit too needy sometimes. xD I guess that counts as my submission letting me down? I don’t really know.

I’ve never been criticized for my submission either. Most of my friends who know about my kinks have been supportive so far. I also don’t tell a lot of people about this for professional reasons, so most of my friends who know are either kinky themselves or are just really, extremely close to me.

I have yet to get pissed on and super-degraded for reals, even though I find it so hot. UNF. 

I’ve talked time and time again about how my fantasies sort of stretch to uncomfortable places sometimes. I fantasize about rape and I am an avid advocate against rape culture. I fantasize about being branded by cigarette burns. I fantasize about being held captive by strange people.

Well, I got tingly while writing that out.

But yes, I have fantasies that scare the living bajeezus out of me. However, I know full well that some things are just not possible and I might not even want them if they happen. But fantasies are fantasies. We all have to toe that line all the time. Sometimes toeing the line is what makes all of this so freaking exciting. It’s up to our good judgment to be safe, sane and consensual about everything. I mean, yes, rape isn’t alright by any means. Play-rape, however? Yes, please, with a big, old, cum-covered cherry on top.

I just want my Daddy. ;________;

ALL DAY.

EVERY DAY.

But seriously, here are some things I would not want to have in a supposedly Dominant person:

• Being a dick.
• Being an abusive dick.
• Not knowing the importance of aftercare.
• Being an abusive dick.

And here are the things Daddy does that make him awesome:

• He knows how to make fun of a situation — and how to wipe a silly grin off of my face.
• He cares enough to actually check in in the middle of a scene.
• He’s got a cute butt.
• I swear to god, he’s trained me to perk my ears at his Dom voice, because every time he calls his dog, I want to start sucking his dick or something.
• He never backs down from a punishment. Ever. And he always makes sure that I know exactly what I’m being punished for.
• He listens to what I have to say, even though I have to struggle to say it sometimes.
• He doesn’t ever want me to be weak. Far from it. He makes me want to be the strongest, most amazing submissive that will ever be under his shiny boots. He makes me want to be the best person that I can be and that’s worth everything in the world to me.
• And he’s my Daddy. That automatically makes him awesome.

Haha, guys. It’s midnight and I need my sleep. I might add to this tomorrow. Or I might not. 

My collar. Oh, my lovely, lovely collar. Daddy and I picked it up at Petco (everyone should get their collars there) when he was last here and it’s been with me ever since. I love the weight of it around my neck and I have almost cried the last time he took it off me. I also almost cried that one time when he took it away from me. My collar is a lovely bunch of memories all packed up into one symbolic little thing.

And that leads me straight into the rituals. Daddy doesn’t really have a set of rules or mantras or anything like that. Instead, there are behavior expectations that grew over time. For example, I would be a little lost in play without my positions. I also have a pre-play ritual that consists of grooming and stuff. I also have a post-play ritual where I clean up. As I said, not a lot of rituals, but there are little things that are just unique to us that I love. There’s a lot of meaning in that little act of fixing my hair for him before some proper play time.

Fuck. I miss him SO much. Seven days. Seven days. Seven fucking days.

I can be in a subby mood with the right tone of voice and the right amount of pull on my hair, I think, no matter what my feelings may be at the time. Unless I’m preoccupied with something. I get most needy, though, when I’m super stressed out. 

However, the feelings that submission inspire within me is a different matter entirely. When I am in subby-land, I just feel calm and content and happy, really.

Oh man, I feel like I skimped on this one. But it’s late, folks. Cut a girl some slack.

As long as everything is safe, sane and consensual, I don’t know why anyone would question whatever they’re doing. Fuck the police and do whatever makes you happy. I am in no position to judge you!

I started my submission questioning everything, actually! I didn’t know if this was really for me and how far I wanted it to go. Well, a year and some change later, we now all know where it took me.

I also sometimes hate how craving for submission can make me feel SO clingy. Normally, we could all agree that it’s amazing if a girl actually craves to submit. However, sometimes I feel like I just too overly down in the dumps and sad about it. Like, dark places in my brain sad. Seriously, it makes me feel like a brat who can’t get what she wants at THIS VERY SECOND, haha. I’m pretty sure being pouty like this normally would get me in trouble though. Thankfully, I haven’t really felt that emotion too strongly in a while. (Maybe I haven’t had the time! Kidding.)

Also, I am a staunch, very liberal, take-no-bullshit feminist who advocates for equality and all that good stuff! I didn’t have to think about that for very long, though, because I figured that I can be submissive AND a feminist. I still rally for women rights, LGBT rights, the end of rape culture, sex positivity, body positivity, intersectionality… and I’m doing it while staying submissively kinky. IMAGINE THAT.

Note: Oh god, my finals are making me answer these questions late. DERP.

I’m not sure if that actually works. I discovered my submission through experimenting around with what Daddy. My submission is pretty much linked to making him all proud and happy. As I’ve said before, I’m not actually very submissive in real life. I’d go crazy if I was. Thankfully, I haven’t had to find another Dominant partner, but if I theoretically had to, I’d probably really not be submissive to anyone else until I can find another partner. 

Although, I have hit my butt before when I was alone and super needy. It wasn’t very worth it though. 

Well, the short answer to this one is any of the positions that are on our list! I love every single one of them, mostly because each one has its own singular significance and meaning between the both of us.

However, if I had to choose between those positions, I would say our “bow down” position makes me feel more like a lowly-submissive and our “offer” position (or, if you’re one of those Gorean people, “Nadu”) makes me feel more proud-submissive. There’s a difference, I promise. I also particularly love being over my Daddy’s lap. ;)

When it comes to sex? Doggy-style all the way into the ground, man. Literally.

I’m not necessarily sure I could quantify my submission in a timeline. It depends on the circumstance and the time of day… and whether or not I have fifty deadlines that I need to take care of. Also, Daddy and I have had a talk about things slowing down and becoming less intense lately and if he wasn’t going to be here in 12 days, I would be a little sad about it. We simply haven’t had the time at all. I’ve had times when I felt like I would go crazy if I didn’t express myself in a submissive way as soon as possible. However, there have also been times, like now, when the real world starts becoming generally annoying with everything it wants me to do. Every relationship, D/s or not, goes through the same ups and downs, I think. Daddy and I are of no exception.

So yes, I’m not quite sure if it has increased or decreased. For now, it simply just IS. Sure, the world has gotten all crazy, but it doesn’t make me miss bowing down to him and being his battered and bruised and fucked babygirl any less. I crave it. Every. Single. Day. I think the irony is that I crave his dominance especially when the world is overwhelming and scary. Just that, right now, for both of us busy bees, the world is manageable and boring.

Haha, I hope that made sense.

I’ve made some really good kinky friends over the past year and a half! I LOVE all of you Kinkblr folks so much. I now regularly talk to Pepper. :D I also have some friends in real life who know and support my inclinations. I’ve even had a playdate with a little subby friend of mine. I wish I could go to some events, but I think I’ll probably wear a hood or something if that ever happens. Hobbies are so much more fun when you have people to share them with!

Honestly, it usually starts with the phrase “Did you see that thing on tumblr where…?” Or one of us would see something hot on TV or in a movie and would tell it to the other person. 

These lines of communication develop slowly but surely, as long as you’re honest with each other, I think. We’ve definitely gotten to the point where we can just randomly mention something sexual or kinky or weird and neither one of us would bat an eyelash. I feel very open and willing and free to share all my concerns and needs and OH MY GOD THIS THIS THIS feelings with my Daddy and I’m pretty sure he feels the same way with me. :)

Fucking. EVERYTHING.

When you are submitting to a person, I like to think that you’re giving that person a very special gift: yourself. You are entrusting that person with your life in some cases. And sometimes that’s where the rush comes from. But it’s really not just about the physicality of it all.

I would never ever let anyone else hurt me without that trust. Sure, I think I can play around with other people, but I would always need my Daddy there to supervise, because I’m pretty sure that it’s only him that I would be thinking of the entire time. Trust makes it so much more intense and meaningful in the long run, I think. In a D/s relationship, communication is something that is vital. You kind of have to be painfully honest with each other or there will be very physical consequences. I think that’s where a lot of the trust comes from.

I’ve never really had another D/s relationship, so I don’t really know! :)

However, I have had BDSM experiences with the same sex and I can pretty much say for sure that I can be sadistic with a girl. I really, really, really want to try being a bottom with a girl though!